Listen Up!
Your spouse has had a rough day at work and is telling you about their day. Instead of listening, you are preparing your rebuttal of how much worse your day was. Your spouse leaves the room.
How did that happen?
You are at a conference and excited about the topic of the day. You heard that the speaker was awesome and had a lot of good information to impart. You are ready to take notes. The speaker greets the participants and the next thing you know the conference is over and you got nothing out of the session.
What happened?
By not really listening to what is (and often is not), being said, we miss out on so much! From building strong relationships with those around us to learning, growing, and teaching in both our personal and professional lives, listening plays a vital role in how we connect with the world around us.
Qualities of a Great Listener:
Presence. This means not planning what your response is going to be while you are still listening to what is being said. As listeners, we think much faster than anyone speaks, which results in our assuming a lot about what is going to be said before the speaker is even finished.
Focus. Great listeners listen with all their senses, not just their ears. They’re aware of the non-verbal communication contained in the message. True listeners listen to the whole person, not just to their words.
Encouragement. Great listeners encourage others to continue on his/her train of thought. This builds trust and helps the speaker feels respected.
Empathy. Great listeners, listen not from their own viewpoint, but from the viewpoint of the speaker. In a powerful speaking and listening process, the two are united and supported by each other. The speaker is heard and respected, and the listener is honored by being shared with.
Receptiveness. Great listeners are not judgmental; they are able to set aside distractions and their own biases and listen with an open mind.
Sensitivity. Great listeners are sensitive to the feelings being expressed, not just the words being used.
Listening effectively provides value for both the speaker and the listener! Being listened to makes it easier to consider another position or point of view. Speakers can spot the inconsistencies in their thought process when they hear an effective listener “play it back to them” without criticism. As a listener, this practice of understanding another’s view can help you be more aware of the flaws in your own thinking too!
"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
-Stephen R. Covey
Don’t be “that” person! Choose to really listen. In doing so, you have the opportunity to not only make a difference for another, but you will learn and grow too.
Think about the listening scenarios mentioned at the beginning of this article. Now, imagine how the endings could have been different if you had actually been present when your spouse was telling you about their day. Or when your client was expressing their thoughts on your proposal. Or when your teammate just needed a compassionate ear to vent to before they walked into a meeting. How different might your day have been? What difference might you have made for another or how much more productive might you have been? What would you have learned, and how could you have grown simply by choosing to really listen?