The Giving & Receiving of Feedback
Regardless of how “constructive” feedback is meant to be, most people are put on the defensive the second they feel as though they have done something wrong, which is why when giving and receiving constructive feedback both parties must be committed to full and complete communication. Full and complete communication leaves no room for people to read between the lines and provides the space for people to speak what is on their mind in a respectful and constructive way. Constructive feedback, whether it is construed as “poor” or “good”, can hinge on this one single factor.
How to handle “poor constructive feedback”
When receiving constructive feedback that is not helpful, it is important for the receiver to communicate that the “constructive feedback” wasn’t helpful and ask for clarification. Tell them that you don’t fully understand what they are communicating and ask them to explain it in another way.The receiver also needs to ask permission and then express how the communication has left them feeling and allow the giver the opportunity to clean up their communication. Honestly, if one doesn’t do this, not only is the receiver left feeling made wrong, but the communicator won’t learn anything either.
How to handle “good constructive feedback”
As stated earlier, regardless of the quality of the communication in which constructive feedback is given, as human beings all of us tend to bristle at the thought of having done something wrong or incorrectly. Since this is a normal reaction, you as a receiver of constructive feedback need to be aware of your natural tendencies, thicken your skin if necessary, and see constructive feedback for the gift that it is. Acknowledge what you got out of the communication and put into practice the lessons learned.
How to give constructive feedback
First one needs to ask permission to speak straight about what they see.
They should speak from first person (for example: “I remember when I was working on a similar project several years ago and this same thing happened to me. This is how I handled it…”)
When providing constructive feedback – or communicating anything for that matter – one needs to speak so that others can actually understand what it is that you are communicating. Every individual listens and filters what is being said to them in different ways. It is the responsibility of the giver of the communication to make sure that their communication is given in such a way that the receiver actually gets it!
Be open to discussing further what you are communicating. Encourage questions and go so far as to ask the receiver to give back ,in their own words, what they got out of your communication with them.
Don’t leave people feeling made wrong – emphasize that mistakes are part of how we learn, and what is important is that they learn from the constructive feedback in order to avoid the same mistake in the future.
Communicators should always communicate fully and completely, leaving no room for misinterpretation, reading between the lines, or leaving people in a place where they don’t understand the communication.
Always acknowledge and thank the person you are talking with for allowing you to contribute to them.