Simple, Yet Powerful - A Two Day Retreat with Clay Nelson

Last week I was invited to observe Clay Nelson and one of his clients during a private, two-day retreat. This was the first time that Clay had ever invited a colleague into the room while he was working with a client.

I expected the retreat to be intense, exhausting and serious, and I was excited to learn Clay’s secret tactics for moving his clients through their “stuff.” Yet, I was blown away by the simplicity of the process and what it created in a very short period of time.

At the beginning of the retreat, Clay pointed out again and again, that the “baggage” that we all carry around with us is neither good nor bad. It is just what we are carrying around with us. That simple! No right or wrong, no need to defend. Just what we are carrying around! I felt the power of that statement. It allows us to take an in-depth look into what it actually is that we are carrying around without being judged or criticized when communicating it.   

At the end of Day One the client was able to see - written on easel paper taped to the walls all around the room:- who he/she was being in his business and his life- and what that is costing him- and he/she could choose if they wanted to keep that

It was clear, no-nonsense, uncomplicated and simple. And that was just after one day of working!

Clay is teaching me to lead this retreat so I was paying close attention to what was happening in the room. 

What did the client say?What did the client not say?What was Clay doing?Why did Clay make that statement?How does he do it? 

In my attempt to keep up with what was happening in the room, I watched the client closely, observing body language and facial expressions. Clay clearly does the same, and he did not miss anything.

The smallest sigh, cough or look was used to work with the client on the journey to map out who he was “Being” in that moment and how it affects all areas of his life. Sometimes I was able to see where Clay was going, but not often. Sometimes I thought, "Where the hell did that come from?”

A little twitch in the client’s facial expression and Clay took this to make a powerful distinction for the client. Clay has the ability to read the client completely and thoroughly just by being there watching what is happening, so anything can be brought to the surface (if the client wishes) to be looked at and made use of.

I have participated in many seminars and workshops in my life, but I have never experienced the decisiveness with which Clay worked with his client. The invitation to the client to decide whether he/she wanted to keep “Being” who they were “Being” was just that. An invitation, and "Seeing the writing on the wall" the client had a choice to invite change.

At the end of Day One, the first change in the “Being” of the client became visible, such as a smile, a change in body posture, a different tone in speaking and a change in listening. Now, one might say, and rightfully so, that change is difficult to sustain, and it can be. However, it doesn’t have to be, which brings us to Day Two.

Day Two was all about practicing, training and using tools to ensure that as much as possible would "stick" for the client. Clay’s tool cabinet is quite elaborate and very powerful. What I observed was more than 35 years of experience showing up in the room and helping the client practice his new way of “Being.” When speaking, Clay's words are not just creating powerful distinctions… they radiate certainty. It is not a "let's try this and see what happens”… it is more like, "let's do this and see it happening!”

Day Two presented us with a "changed" client. The occasional smile was swapped out with a smiling presence, a willingness to look at it all with humor, and the ability to laugh about himself/herself.

We started the day with a birthday cake and candle, and a birthday card to represent the first day of the rest of their life and honoring the change we saw happening in front of our eyes. At the end of the retreat, the client left with more than they came to get, a bag of tools and a plan of what to do, by when. 

My expectations of the retreat were different than what I experienced. The retreat was simple yet powerful, dense yet spacious, and above all, with laughter and fun Clay helped his client look the demons of the past and uncertainty, fear and make wrongs, in the eye, and created a powerful vision for their business and life moving forward.